Tag Archive
Carnival Might Be This Weekend
St Neots residents were today contemplating the fact that it is probably the Carnival at some point this Bank Holiday weekend, although no-one really seems to be sure what’s going on. The traditional carnival, which in 2008 was replaced by the rather shit money-losing August Festival, is making a comeback this year with all the... »
Residents Demand Name Change
Residents of St Neots second-newest estate, otherwise known as a development, Eynesbury Manor, are demanding a change of name for the area after homeowners and tenants on Cambridge’s Arbury Park achieved a similar victory. Not wishing to be associated with the notorious North Cambridge estate, a resident’s group on the new site, sandwiched between Kings... »
St Neots Gets New Dump; Huntingdon Angry
Huntingdon residents were today up in arms after they realised that the replacement for their beloved Buckden household waste site was in fact the new St Neots tip. St Neots residents have a long-standing history of demanding the Council provide them, in favour of our neighbour to the North, with facilities over which they have... »
Illiterate Chavs Confuse “McDonalds” With “Decent Shops”
Stupid local chavs today proved themselves to be slightly thicker than previously thought, by confusing a fast-food outlet with high-quality retail emporia. St Neots “rude boy” Marly T. Murphy failed to engage brain before mouth, and leaked the following badly-spelled statement onto the otherwise pristine St Neots forum: “weve got a kfc why havnt we... »
Local Chavs “Confused, Lost and Lonely” says Social Worker
Dee Dington, a local nosey cow social worker has stepped into the row over the ever shrinking facilities for youth in the Town. "It really is horrific. First we refuse to provide multi-screen cinemas, health spas and sports facilities every 300 yards. Then we shut the only place where our deprived youngsters can binge... »
Surprise As Club Shuts After 11 Months
Rubbish St Neots club Worx closed its doors last week, after the credit crunch apparently drove residents to drink at home. Ignoring the fact that the Priory seemed to be busy as ever, a spokesman for Teeth-Moss Entertainment, who own the venue in the former Job Centre as well as similarly-doomed Stripes Bar & Grill... »
Riverside Ripper Still On The Loose
St Neots dog walkers are living in fear this week as a reign of terror continues by an evil beast of a dog hell bent on attacking every animal on a lead it encounters. The Riverside Ripper also known as Mac The Knife prowls the well-worn and dog shit contaminated byways of this once... »
Local Papers In Catnap Shocker
St Neots was stunned today by the revelation that local newspapers may be stealing cats in order to generate front page stories. The shock claims come after a sharp increase in the number of felines going missing in recent weeks, particularly from the Eynesbury area. "Well, at first we just thought it was typical Eynesbury... »
Sausage Wars – Council Hits Back
Fresh from his glorious victory in getting retail giant Tesco's to drop their petrol price by 0.427p/lt for a day, Town Councillor Steve van der Steven has set his sights on an even more prestigious crown. Using the knowledge and skills he has gained from getting the County Council to paint a fence that they... »
Aliens Abduct Entire Town Council
Keen watchers of Town Council politics cannot fail to have noticed the recent absence of activity amongst its members. The usual high profile civic campaigns; dodgy fences, purple-headed bollards, 2ft high bumps in the road to name a few, have quietly disappeared from our pages. Claims that they've been "told" to reign their necks in... »
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