Tag Archive
Man “Happy” To Be Away From St Neots All Day
Eastside resident R. D. Hattttt has stunned locals by announcing, “I am fortunate enough now to be away from St Neots all day!” on a local internetweb thing. “Redundancy could not have worked out better for me, my new job means I get to drive away every day. Now I spend less than 8 hours... »
Illiterate Chavs Confuse “McDonalds” With “Decent Shops”
Stupid local chavs today proved themselves to be slightly thicker than previously thought, by confusing a fast-food outlet with high-quality retail emporia. St Neots “rude boy” Marly T. Murphy failed to engage brain before mouth, and leaked the following badly-spelled statement onto the otherwise pristine St Neots forum: “weve got a kfc why havnt we... »
St Neots To Lose A1 Exit
Under a new ruling by the Government, following a “brilliant idea” from Brussels, St Neots is to lose one of its three A1 junctions in an attempt to reduce traffic. Local councils, backed by the Government, have long been fans of half-arsed schemes to reduce the number of cars on the road, such as pinch-point... »
History Repeats As Venues Go Back In Time
Following last month’s closure of the highly unpopular night venue Worx, former manager Ian Yoshimi has surprised no-one by delaying the re-launch of Worx’s predecessor, Shotz/The Warehouse/The King’s Head/Stripes/Something Else. This week it was announced with much fanfare that the formerly popular venue, closed down by Teeth-Moss Entertainment in favour of the rubbish club across... »
Hole Appears In High Street
A large hole has appeared in the centre of St Neots, causing concern and outrage amongst local traders. The hole materialised over night last week and there was initially some confusion amongst local councillors that it might be the same one that had been existing for some time, undetected in the Town Council’s budget. Cllr Julia... »
Retailers Kick Up A Stink
A number of local retailers have been kicking up stink, after it was announced that the High Street would be closed for a month. The road closure for work on the sewerage system was publicly announced just days before Iceland opened on the Market Square. Many retailers have been left furious by this, and fear... »
Surprise As Club Shuts After 11 Months
Rubbish St Neots club Worx closed its doors last week, after the credit crunch apparently drove residents to drink at home. Ignoring the fact that the Priory seemed to be busy as ever, a spokesman for Teeth-Moss Entertainment, who own the venue in the former Job Centre as well as similarly-doomed Stripes Bar & Grill... »
UK’s Biggest Iceland “Nothing To Brag About” Says Slough
Grotty Berkshire town Slough today collectively hit out at St Neots residents’ excitement over tomorrow’s opening of the UK’s biggest Iceland store. The frozen food giant is returning to the town with a prime Market Square location after an absence of over three years. The new store, in the former Woolworths unit, will be the... »
Town Council Announce Christmas Lights Theme
The town council has announced its themes for this years Christmas lights display. Cllr Miles commented today, “In keeping with last years events and one of the big films this year, it is announced that the theme will be Indiana Jones.” When questioned on the local aspect of the theme, Cllr Miles replied “If you can... »
Christmas Lights “Big Switch-On” This Week
St Neots Town Council has announced that the big switch on will be taking place next Friday, 25th July. Dean Dexter, a spokesperson from the Town Council, said “we are absolutely delighted to be switching the lights on next week as it will really help boost trade in the town centre in the run up to... »
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